#130: Sending Waves Of Sadness.

I had a pretty ordinary day following an extraordinary weekend with more than just one highlight. Reason enough to joyfully participate in my by-weekly YELLOW LEARNING session.

And then the unexpected happened.

We did an experiment. Yet another one. Witnessing was today’s.

Two people don’t just look at each other, they witness one another. I see you. I am seen.

I had made a similar experience at a workshop two years ago, had watched multiple videos on the subject, had checked out John Oliver’s website and a number of videos on it, would call a music video on the theme one of my all time favorites and had even reached out to an organisation mobilizing people around the globe to get together on the same day for that unifying experience to ask if they needed a country representative for Liechtenstein. As you can tell, witnessing resonates with me.

So I was truly excited and looking forward to the experience. Who out of the other four participants would be my partner? I felt this hint who it would, could or even should be. The person whom I had connected least with over the course of the last few months. For no particular reason I guess. And? It was her!

It turned out to be a bodily experience although you sit still, don’t move much, with the exception of me trying to dry up my watery right eye. Not sure what I felt allergic to, but it kept bothering me thoughout my witnessing session. Also, I felt the huge difference between being and not doing anything. Two completely different states to be in. Being seen by a partner gave me that feeling of being human, alive, present in that very moment.

«I received waves of sadness from Roman.»

Hmmm… well, I hadn’t really expected that one. That was what it must have felt like. The statement wasn’t «you are a sad person». I don’t feel that way. The term «waves» suggests more than just a raindrop, doesn’t it?

No point overanalyzing.

It was generous feedback telling me something. Not far off another conversation I had the other day. Why not complain if you believe that you have reason to? Why not claim an entitlement to something if you believe that you deserve it? Not my type of behavior I keep telling myself.

And yet, there is something I am actually sad about. A thought that has been coming up a few times lately. It brings back memories of a time when I pretended to be cool about something to only become regretful many many many years later. What if this time it was me who screwed up and a loved one equally pretended to be cool about it? I wouldn’t know how to handle the situation. Sadness wouldn’t capture it.

Was that it?

Stop overanalyzing.

Just be.

If it was real, it would show itself again.

Sending another wave.