#146: To Be Right Is Easy, To Understand Is Not.

The tallest signpost or the brightest light generally shows the way to the path of least resistance. Unsurprisingly, that is where we look to when we stand up tall just to be right.

I am reaching the end of the book Greenlights by Matthew McConaughey. It is full of great insight and wisdom. Mali is one of the stops on his journey to who he is today as a person. What he learns there in a conversation with two locals also resonates with me.

“It is not about right or wrong. It is ‘Do you understand?!‘”

McConaughey then elaborates further when he highlights that “they are not trying to win arguments of right or wrong. They are trying to understand each other. That’s different.“

What does it take to get there and why does it have to be so hard?

First of all, it takes two to understand each other. You can always try to play the game on your own, however, that approach is unlikely to get you anywhere.

More importantly, it is a game without winner and looser. No point in playing it then.

Curiosity is the answer. Trying to understand is all about finding out, learning and discovering. It is not about you, him or her.

You also have no idea where you will end up in respect of your preconceived opinion. There might be reason for you to change your position, but not necessarily. That is just one of the many possible outcomes. Another would be that you simply agree to disagree having listened to and finally understood your partner’s (rather than adversary’s) reasoning.

“Turning in your firearms” by saying that you are just “trying to understand” seems like a sensible strategy. There is obviously a risk that others won’t be playing along. They either don’t understand what you are talking about or, alternatively, they are desperate to win. To be right.

In that case, I suggest you throw the towel and walk away.

Let them win. It won’t make them happy.

Winning without a fight isn’t the same, is it?